Me with the new do.

Hey guys! Long time no post? Lol. First off I would like to apologize for not posting in… well, a long time. Since my last post I have still had my ups and downs. I feel good some days and bad other days. It keeps fluxuating. I keep learning. I’m still trying.

Recently, I went to Commerce to get my hair cut. It was something that was supposed to boost my confidence and make me feel better about myself. Wrong. I think I realized about halfway into it that the girl just got out of beauty school. Lol.

I was crying in the car with my sister , Jenna (who did a great job encouraging me and fixed my hair by the way, love you), over my ruined hair and mad at the world when I realized that this wasn’t a coincidence. I know God did this for a reason.

I have to be honest, this week has been a hard time for me. Ever since my haircut, my confidence slipped on a banana peel and has laid on the ground–refusing to stand back up. It’s hard to wear no makeup whatsoever, but that’s nothing when you feel like your hair is ugly too.

The other day when I was just searching for a christian blog to read, anything to lift my spirits a little bit and found an author, Greg Lucas. I’m going to share something I read that I forgot about while I was feeling down in the dumps and so ugly I didn’t want to leave my room.

“My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him. “My power is made perfect in your weakness,” He says, as we strain under our burden. Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but I know this–God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming and undeserved grace.”

-Greg Lucas

Yes, I did cry after reading this. (SHOCKER!) I wanted to get a haircut because I thought that it would fix my problem and make me feel beautiful. I tried to do it on my own. I forgot that my Father is right here beside me every step of the way, holding my hand. He’s never gonna leave us when we’re down. He’s never gonna forsake us when we feel like we’ve lost our battles. He’s already won and He is strong when we are at our weakest. Lets pray.

God, please forgive us–if and when–we lose sight of how faithful You are to us… Help us to remember that You are for us. Thank you for reminding me that I must depend on You. I’m sorry for trying to carry my load all on my own. God, You know me, You know my ways. You know every thought that passes through my brain before I even think them. Lord, help me to believe in myself and to love myself. Yes, help us to love ourselves as You love us. We give you all our worries, doubts, and fears… We’re placing it in all in Your very capable hands. We love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

THUMBS UP!

SUCCESS!!! I survived yesterday without scaring people! Haha. I actually got so many comments from my friends, encouraging me and telling me I was beautiful. It was so refreshing. Getting comments on my blog helped my confidence and they just pumped my spirits up! I know that one thing you need when you’re going through something hard is support. I want to thank everyone who hugged me and told me I was beautiful. I forgot how strong a simple hug can be.

Today has been so-so. My face has broken out a little bit (understatement of the year lol). All I’ve wanted was make-up today. It’s really hard to hang out with people and walk through the dining hall without thinking they are staring at how horrible I look or at each little imperfection that I have. I guess it’s safe to say some days are better than others.

I’m not going to let it get me down though. I’m tired of worrying what people think of me on the outside. I’m tired of being self conscious about EVERYTHING. I’m tired of walking past people and wonder if my hair is messed up, if anything is jiggling, if what I’m wearing is ok, worried about tripping, etc. Girls (and guys too) you know what I’m talking about. I’M FED UP. Lol.  This is not going to have reign in my life. This is why God wants me to do this. He wants me to take control, take the power back over these things that hold me back. I’m about to be real honest. Sometimes I don’t want to jump up and down when I worship because I’m scared about people laughing at the “fat girl jiggling.” Isn’t that horrible? I just want to cry thinking about it. I have let those stupid thoughts hold me back from showing my love for my God and possibly touching someone else. That’s how the enemy gets in: planting little thoughts in our minds, trying to take away our will. Well, NO MORE. I want my will back. How about you?

God brought back this scripture to me today:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

-Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

I cried when I read this (I cry a lot these days lol). I have forgotten the true beauty God has given me. Not beauty of the world: what you wear, how skinny you are, what’s on the outside. God created our inmost beings…wow. I’m just amazed. Let’s pray.

God..You created us. You made every intricate thing in our bodies, souls, and minds. How great You are. Give us strength to let go of these demons on our backs every moment of the day; taunting and telling us we’re not good enough. God, you made us more than good enough. Help us to see that. Help us to look in the mirror and see the beauty You created, not the lies the world tells us. God, help us grow closer to You and walk with You every day. With You, all things are possible. We love You, Lord, and praise You in advance for making us overcomers of our bondages. In Jesus name, Amen.

Here I am, with my "naked face" lol. I am terrified.

So… Here I am, sitting in my dorm room. Today I’m starting a journey that I’m not sure I can finish. I am scared to death! I, Jessica Lynn Preskitt, have commited to wearing NO makeup for the month of February in the year of 2011. Yes, you read that correctly. I know. Crazy.

I have always been insecure of my looks, like most people. I recently read a headline in my school announcements email that said,”No Make-up for February.” I thought they’ve GOT to be kidding! I could never do that… Have you ever thought something was ridiculous and immediately you know God wants you to do it? Well, As soon as the thought came out, I felt this pull in my stomache-kind of like a burning feeling. And I knew then, I have to do this. I have to do it for myself and for other girls that feel just like me. And I know if I do, God is going to bless me for it and he’s going to help me change into a stronger woman of God and see myself as he sees me. After all, we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27). I guess sometimes that’s hard to remember, though.

Going into this, I’ve never blogged before and I’ve never really put my business out for the world to see. Well, this is all about to change. I am writing my first blog post (yay!) and I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting real personal throughout this little adventure. SO, with all of this said, please follow my progress so I can maybe inspire you. Now, I’m going to pray.

God, please help me today. Help me to remember I am made in your image. Help me to feel beautiful and strong. God you know my inner thoughts and struggles better than I do… show me things throughout my day that help me keep going even if I feel like an ugly troll hehe. Now I pray for every girl in the world who may think they aren’t pretty or skinny enough and I ask that you put someone in their path today to lift their spirits and to show them that they are beautiful the way they are and they shouldn’t let it hold them back. Please God, help us all to feel special. We give you all the glory and honor for every blessing in our lives. Also, forgive us for feeling ugly. Help us to get rid of our insecurities and self doubts! We give it all to You… We put it in Your hands. I love you, Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.

Well… here I go. :/